feeling alive

25 Aug  2006

I been having problem sleeping for weeks. Every night before I hit the sack. I think about my problems, my worries on work, family,  etc.

I am not getting younger. To boot that with, my personal problems are not getting lesser either. I say I am getting more instead. I want to take it easy and live by the day. Easier said than done. Sometime, I wonder why on earth I am doing .. is life all about get married, reproduce and die? I don't think I want that. Sure, I done my part by adding the head count to mother earth's population. I am simply not feeling I done something worth my presence. I am only feeling I am slowly goofing my time on this precious planet. 

Now, this is not the 'resolution' time where I am to keep a wow to do something right and worthwhile. I am just pondering the meaning of life. I been working my ass off for the last 20 years to provide whatever necessary for my family. So, I can conclude that I been working hard for my family. Now, I am wondering why I am doing it in the first place. Why not stay single, live simple life, work less ... ?

So, would I feel alive  ?

I may not have the answer to that but I been doing these daily routine for donkey years already and I getting used to it already. There are time I wish my family understand me more. Heck, I myself don't understand my own folks to the extent I don't talk to them at all. So, asking that from my family might be a little to far fetch.

Thanks goodness I am blessed with some motor skills to ride a motorcycle. Whenever I ride, I do feel I am alive. I forget about the problems, worries plunging me. I forget about the naggings, arguments. There are times I don't feel like I want to stop and get off my bike. Good thing that I have a pretty decent personal insurance policy if something should happen to me because I don't want to worry in Hell.

kenny